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A new appreciation of Rita

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delliottg
Former Mainsheet C250 Tech Editor

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USA
4479 Posts

Initially Posted - 05/04/2009 : 09:21:40

Yesterday I took Steve (Piseas) and his brother out sailing on SL, and for various reasons Rita opted to not go. We work pretty well as a team, but I learned about all the little things that she takes care of sort of under my awareness. She's the keeper of the lists, the caretaker of the electronics and their covers, chips, configuration, etc., she's the one who remembers to bring out the boat poles for the seemingly unavoidable fending off, bringer-in of the fenders, making sure the horn, winch handle, tiller extension, etc. are out of the seat locker. As we were getting ready to cast off yesterday, I had Steve tend the bow line, something Rita normally does. We have our own rhythm and I was slightly thrown off by Steve casting off before I asked him to. In our current, the boat starts moving as soon as it's free of restraint. This isn't a slam on Steve, just an observation of how things can go differently when you're not sailing with your partner. As I backed out of the slip, something plunked into the water, at first I thought it was my handheld remote VHF, but it turned out to just be a Tupperware water bottle that had fallen through it's holder. I decided to rescue it, which was when I realized that both the boat poles were still downstairs. I had Steve's brother Anthony retrieve the long one, and we went into the water bottle overboard drill in the fairway, which I'm sure amused my neighbors. Rita would have had both the poles up on deck ready to be used, no drama.

Anyway, my point is, my sailing partner does lots of things for us that I never even noticed. Does yours?

David
C-250 Mainsheet Editor

Sirius Lepak
1997 C-250 WK TR #271 --Seattle area Port Captain --

Edited by - on

dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 10:16:27

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by delliottg
 Anyway, my point is, my sailing partner does lots of things for us that I never even noticed. Does yours?
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Actually, no. Around the docks, my wife, kids, or any guests for that matter, simply sit on the seat opposite the dock and I take care of the rest.

I've been singlehanding for so long that having someone "help" me would only throw a new wrinkle in my well rehearsed routine, similar to what you experienced with your guests. Even when guests are aboard, I politely decline any help when leaving or returning to the slip to avoid any issues. At my marina, it's common courtesy to provide assistance when a boat is entering a slip, but those that know me don't even bother coming to my aid anymore so as not to throw a wrench in my routine.

Although developing a team effort is great, I would suggest that everyone learn to singlehandedly operate their vessels for those occasions when part of the team is not there. I know of many who will not venture out alone or without their usual manuevering partners because they've come to rely on the additional help.

Edited by - on

Prospector
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
3159 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 10:29:24

I agree with both of you guys.

Certainly independance is valuable for when the time arises that your partner isn't able to lend a hand.

Involving your partner is also a way to ensure that they are part of the experience. I think its the difference between "crew" and "passenger".

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dmpilc
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4593 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 10:48:27

That was a very nice tribute to Rita. When my wife and I sail together, I do most of the moving around and dock line handling while entering/leaving the slip and she helms the boat and handles the o/b because she has knee trouble and can't move as easily as I can. The system works well.

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 11:01:43

As far as the crew experience goes, I firmly believe in it and once we leave the confines of the dock, most, if not all helming (and sail trimming) is done by someone other than me.

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DaveR
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
2015 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 11:40:10

Not being married and with girlfriends coming and going, mostly I've had to single hand Bamboo and so have gotten very used to it, to the point where I'd really rather that folks just sat down and let me take care of things but I'm very envious of you David and hope that I'll have a partner like that one day ............

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Turk
Admiral

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USA
736 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 12:58:58

That is a nice story and a good point. My wife and I have also gotten pretty good at working together with assigned task as we get ready to leave the dock. I guess in part it comes from several years of camping and of course being together for so many years.

I find myself at a bit of a loss when single handing and forgetting to get ready all the things she has ready for me. Of course she is ever the critic when the problems start!

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Nautiduck
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
3704 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 13:26:01

Good for Rita! We have a similar situation in that we each have our regular responsibilities aboard the boat, especially at the beginning and end of each sail. We also decline help when we get back to the dock, we've got it to such a routine that involving others simply does not help. Pat has gotten so good at snaring the cleat with the Dock-A-Matic, stepping off (no jumping!) and securing the dock lines and spring line that our neighbors sometimes look on in awe. It's a riot to watch some boats pull into their slips and the chaos that ensues.

Edited by - on

jerlim
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1484 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 14:06:10

Good for you and Rita, Dave! I take the single handed approach when departing and arriving, although while underway the Admiral partners on the helm and trimming.

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islander
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4018 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 14:22:34

Last year when we first started sailing Sara would just sit with a firm grip on the cabin top winch. The more we heeled the whitter her knuckles would get. With the power boat she was a perfect first mate when it came to docking and casting off much like Rita and the same is true with the sailboat but I knew she was uneasy with the heeling. So to get her over this fear I had to get her more involved. One day I just set the sails and told her to take the tiller so I could go in the cabin. I kept looking back through the companion way and slowly the fear on her face was replaced by a big smile. Finally I came out and said, Look at you, Your sailing and at 15 deg.! Ever since we take turns sailing and she has even tacked the boat by herself. She also has had it up to 23 deg. The fear seems to be gone. I also like the idea that if something should happen to me, She now knows how to sail, roll up the RF and drop the main. My point is that in my opinion Passengers seem to have a better time on board when they are involved rather then just sitting there even if its just docking chores.

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 18:32:19

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by islander
 My point is that in my opinion Passengers seem to have a better time on board when they are involved rather then just sitting there even if its just docking chores.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Agreed, but with one caveat. I share a slip with another boat and like me, I'm sure he would appreciate it if I brought my boat in myself rather than take a chance with a passenger/guest. Also, it's hard for me to completely trust a guest when the dock is made of concrete and steel.

Edited by - dlucier on 05/04/2009 18:33:06

Nautiduck
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
3704 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 18:46:23

We leave it up to each guest to say how much they want to be involved in the sailing. Some want to take the helm or trim the genny sheets while others would prefer to sit back and enjoy the scenery with a glass of wine. Like Don, when we are near the dock the passengers just sit and Pat and I do all the work.

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Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 19:37:28

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by islander
 ...One day I just set the sails and told her to take the tiller so I could go in the cabin. I kept looking back through the companion way and slowly the fear on her face was replaced by a big smile. Finally I came out and said, Look at you, Your sailing and at 15 deg.!<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Great story! My late Admiral, initially a total landlubber, learned on our Sunfish, and later our 17' Daysailer, where she got to understand the relationship between trim, tiller, and heel. By the time we had the C-25, she didn't like being under 10 degrees, because that meant we weren't really sailing! Nobody gets over that feeling by riding along--they get over it by controlling the vessel. Until they do, they won't be happy heeling!

(For some couples, it really takes a third-party, in the total absense of the "first party", to help the nervous novice understand and be comfortable with sailing. I've been that third party a few times.)

Edited by - Dave Bristle on 05/04/2009 19:41:38

Steve Blackburn
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
1091 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 19:47:36

What a revelation this is to me to let others tiller as a means of combating their fear of heeling. I distinctly remember my wife started loosing the fear of heeling once she tried the tiller. Same thing on a race where I often embarque a few newbies that want to try out sailing. I remember last year when the wife of a crew member tried sailing on my boat for the first time. She was VERY excited and hysterical because of nervousness. I jokingly told her that the first thing she would do is to drive this thing where she told me "I'm jumping over board then!". So I get the sails up then have to go do something near the cabin, so I told her "here hold this please" (the tiller). I give the short short training then leave. After a few seconds of yelling, she began liking it and really calmed down after that.

Thanks for mentioning that Islander.

I agree with David, my Rita is named Martine and she does lots. So much that as Dave I really notice when she is not there. Usually when we get to dock, everything is done and we just have to tie up.

Edited by - Steve Blackburn on 05/04/2009 19:54:16

piseas
Former Treasurer

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USA
2017 Posts

Response Posted - 05/04/2009 : 20:12:22

My wife does not like to go sailing so I also have a routine to do everything myself. I offer friends who do go out with me a chance to try as muchor as little as they want. While not totally confident sailing solo, I have done it many a time and learn something new each time. Docking has become pretty routine and have no trouble going it alone but will allow others to help out if offered.
Steve A
PS Our member David, who started this thread, was very kind to take my brother and myself out for one of the best day sails I have ever had. The Seattle scenery was absolutely beautiful. Thank your very much David. We were sorry Rita did not join us, however. She sounds like a real gem.

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redeye
Master Marine Consultant

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3476 Posts

Response Posted - 05/05/2009 : 05:48:49

I use The Admiral (My GF) as Deck Candy!

Makes the boat look GREAT!

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redeye
Master Marine Consultant

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3476 Posts

Response Posted - 05/05/2009 : 08:25:02

That was a joke kids... ( the Deck Candy ) My GF is the Bomb!. She learns more than me on each sail and does everything I do on the boat, many times better. I just can't tell you how much I enjoy sailing with her, cause she enjoys it as much as me.

regards.redeye

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tinob
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1883 Posts

Response Posted - 05/05/2009 : 08:32:10

Amy and I have developed a THING that has evolved into what now works for us. I get on the boat, she walks/ drives to the pool, we communicat by cell phone. Overniters we don't do any longer.

Val on the hard DAGNABIT, # 3936, Patchogue, N.Y.

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islander
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4018 Posts

Response Posted - 05/05/2009 : 12:26:16

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Nobody gets over that feeling by riding along--they get over it by controlling the vessel. Until they do, they won't be happy heeling!
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"> This was exactly what I was thinking at the time when I told Sara to take the tiller. I thought that most of her fear came from not having any control over anything. I took that away by giving her full control and she was no longer focused on just the heeling but rather paying attention to the sails, wind vane and other boats around us. For me it worked.

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GaryB
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4302 Posts

Response Posted - 05/05/2009 : 21:53:46

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by redeye
 That was a joke kids... ( the Deck Candy ) My GF is the Bomb!. She learns more than me on each sail and does everything I do on the boat, many times better. I just can't tell you how much I enjoy sailing with her, cause she enjoys it as much as me.

regards.redeye

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Sounds like it's time to make her the Admiral for real!

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 05/06/2009 : 08:50:56

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Dave Bristle
 Nobody gets over that feeling by riding along--they get over it by controlling the vessel. Until they do, they won't be happy heeling!

(For some couples, it really takes a third-party, in the total absense of the "first party", to help the nervous novice understand and be comfortable with sailing. I've been that third party a few times.)<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

For many, it's not simply a matter of education.

My wife is certainly no novice to sailing (we've had a sailboat going on 15 years now) but she could have a PHD in sailing/controlling a vessel, and it would not mean a thing when her panic attacks kick in as she is at the helm and we hit over 5 degrees of heel. She understands perfectly that heeling is a function of sailing. She knows the relationship between trim, tiller, and heel. She also knows that her extreme anxiety is not rational nor is she able to control it. She is quite content to remain under 5 degrees of heel and "not really sailing" with her idea of a perfect day on the water being one with nary a hint of wind and water as smooth as glass.

I'm also quite sure a PHD in arachnids couldn't get my wife over her deathly fear of spiders either. Sometimes its something a little more than just a lack of education or experience.

Edited by - dlucier on 05/06/2009 08:51:46

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